K. (virginangelic) wrote,

Starting to wonder if I need to be evaluated...

Today, went out with a friend I met during my medic course. We talked about cases, bitched about work, shared about our future and our goals before we finish our dang conscription. Perhaps it's telling that when we were talking about past friendships, I shared this:

"Sometimes I feel like I'm a piece of driftwood. When the tides of time comes, I move off - sometimes leaving a part of me, othertimes, taking a part of others with me but I continue to move on. I can barely stay stuck."

And I guess it is true. Even later, when we met up with the whole group, I feel so damn fucking alienated (what's new?). And while they were laughing, I was contemplating how to disappear. And briefly toyed with the idea of well...going for eternity via shot to the head; which thankfully I have no access for. I am rather impulsive. Let's put it that way - not the first time the idea has struck me.

I wonder if I'm back to being the depressive bag that I was back when I was 12 or maybe it's just that time of the month or perhaps it's because the super moon coming or something. *shrugs*

I need to stop thinking too much as well. But seriously, I think it's doable. The whole disappearing thing. I'm going to experiment with it - figure out if anyone realised. I highly doubt it. I can just switch my phone off, delete my online persona. But at the same time, I don't want it to be permanent. More temporal. Weird huh? If I were to deactivate my emails, can I reactivate them back? What about facebook? Hmm...
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